Help Hamas

So Hamas want to open the gates of hell.  This strikes me as a little foolish.  I figure opening the gates of hell carries the danger that you will get burned.  But I guess these people will do what they will do and they are unlikely to listen to good sense from the likes of me.  So in the mode of “if you can’t help then get out of the way” I figured I would help Hamas out.

Now I’m no expert.  I’ve never opened hells gates, and to be honest I’ve never even been to them.  But I do know where they lie, and that’s where I can help.  I figured out a long time ago that the gates of hell lie down the other end of the road to hell.  There is some debate surrounding the designation of the road to hell.  For some it is a smooth path, for others a full blown road, and for the Rock and Roll fraternity it is a veritable highway.  I have not yet heard of any plans to upgrade it to a motorway.

Anyhoo, what we know about the road to hell is that it is paved with good intentions.  I am sure Hamas has a raft of good intentions.  Sadly these intentions are counterbalanced by a record of acts which are not so nice.  And it is all about acts.  Gestis Censere, by their acts shall you know them, you judge a tree by its fruits.  In summary, we are what we do.  If we do evil then the gates of hell are wide open.  Indeed evil acts are the keys to the gates of hell.

I am a little confused by the vessel you use to get into hell.  Why do you go to hell in a handbasket?  Of course there is evidence from Preachers such as Thomas Adams (1618) of people being wheeled to hell in wheelbarrows.  Demons are often seen wheeling sinners to hell in handcarts.  In Elbridge Paige’s book of Short Patent Sermons, 1841: [people] would rather ride to hell in a hand-cart than walk to heaven supported by the staff of industry.

So where does this take us and how do we help Hamas?  Well if they want to open the gates of hell let them continue with their good intentions, and their bad acts, and we shall supply them amply with handcarts, or wheelbarrows, or baskets should they so desire.  Alternatively, if they wish to walk to heaven I am game to support the creation of an industrial base in Palestine.  Give people jobs, give them respect, give them possessions, and the opening of the gates of hell does not seem so appealing.

Handcarts for Hamas (Charity registration pending)

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3 thoughts on “Help Hamas

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